i performed again tonight, at the mental health awareness open mic…which was a lovely event, well dones to penny, alex and keith and anyone whose work was behind the scenes! there were some great performers and i felt really lucky, a couple of cover versions were old favourites of mine, percy did cat stevens ‘wild world’ and alan did  bob dylan’s ‘i’ll be your baby tonight’ as well as excellent stuff of their own…

anyway, i only did ‘nothing to something machine’ cos i’m re writing beauty (again? yes, again..) which brought a bit of politics in, thanks keith for saluting that! this lead to a discussion outside with the smokers as i had an ‘agoraphobia’ break…i can get up and perform, because the ‘turn’ is needed, being in the cafe as peeps went in and out, oh boy, so difficult…this was all fine until a guy who doesn’t have mental health issues, though he does have a brain tumour then said, oh the turn, like his turn…he didn’t mean anything nice, it seemed to be something like his tart/ his ‘possession’/  his owned woman…when i didn’t laugh, he repeated it, and guess what, i still didn’t laugh, i said, no, turn as in music hall turn, he then grabbed my arm and tried to turn me round as part of demonstrating his meaning…because of the stuff in the news about jimmy saville (who i’ve always hated and had to leave the room when he came on tv, horrible vibe off him) and poor little april in machynlleth i am extra  jumpy at the moment, but…what bit of that’s not ok was this guy not getting? i was thinking out what to say to him, when he said about the brain tumour and i thought, mmm, that may well be affecting his social skills. as we kept talking though, he kept reaching out and touching my arm, shoulder, back…i kept backing off! i was really glad carlos was there and that a cab turned up, it wasn’t mine but it gave me an excuse to break off the conversation, and when he’d gone carlos and i talked about how uncomfortable it had been, and how he’d missed the social signals, but also how it’s just plain bad manners to assume you can keep touching someone…

i actually said to carlos, which bit of me doesn’t look like a feminist? meaning, someone who is not a doormat (thanks rebecca west), someone who will not let crap go by unchallenged…

this happened the day after i was on cheeseburger failblog, which i normally enjoy lots, but then found there have been 2 pro-pedophilia items in the parenting fails section…one a manga style comic by trolloh (saying you’re trolling doesn’t excuse it, peeps, typoed perps then, more accurate really..) and then another one since, based on goldilocks and the 3 bears…i have commented on how offended i am, but why aren’t the moderators screening out stuff that is blatantly offensive and normalising abuse? ironically my first comment was refused because i swore! how offensive, can’t have that…

i texted later with a male friend, and said how glad i am we’re friends, which will quite possibly not make sense to him, but it is that instant balancing, not all guys are like that…just like not all women are safe…until everyone gets that people’s bodies are their own property and are never for sale, never to be stolen, burgled, kidnapped, raped, abused, used for medical experimentation without informed consent, harassed in any form and that includes bullying for difference, size, height, hair colour for all that’s stupid, worked in unfair ways in unfair trades, we need peeps who are activists for human equality. and actually, we need everyone to be clear that we are each here as part of a whole, global community. we’re not a family, but we can be a society where each individual knows their own boundaries, what is a fair share of space to take up and when reaching into someone else’s is just not right.

we ALL need to be activists for human equality.

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