I love the feeling of a bright shiny day with no mistakes in it yet, so a new year ought to feel the same. I think it doesn’t, and not in a good way 😉 because I make exactly the mistake I hate most! Dragging the past into it! A-ha!

So instead of doing a new year evaluation, I’m going to try doing it on new year’s eve…

What worked:

moving house to a flat, which I have arranged as a bedsit, so on the worst pain/fatigue days, I am able to manage to get the ten steps to the kettle and toaster, and even another five to the microwave…

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moving to a place with a garden which I can play in, but don’t have to be responsible for, which Nonie-puss  and I both enjoy immensely, me for art and fresh air and quiet centering, her for climbing trees, hiding in laurel, sitting on bins and looking abandoned when I’m out…(thanks for photo, Keith!)

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labelling the SABLE (stash acquired beyond life expectancy!) so I can find things, most of the time, anyway, the gold foil fabric still eludes me…hmmm…

accepting I need a variety of projects on hand, because the different fibro-effects make it hard to do the same thing two days running, or for longer than half an hour, without acquiring aches and pains that will make life much harder, sigh…

 

 

the blog 😉 thanks y’all! acquiring followers in spite of posting challenging stuff in with the art, craft, garden and cat  has boosted my morale!

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the art class! definitely a good impulse, very tiring, but definitely lifted me over the fear of broken hands after the awful fall

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filmmaking! a tad grandiose for the shorts I have made, but  if my eyes are ok, I can often still edit (love LOVE picasa editing suite and windows moviemaker) and being able to be creative helps me keep a positive attitude overall, and this slots into a hard place, when my hands hurt too much to make, and it’s hard to stand/move/talk. A few minutes editing is hard but manageable, painwise, but has a huge payoff, moodwise…

 

 

finishing the quilts for the chiropractor, I’m a bit worried they haven’t understood the cleaning instructions, but…once the gift is handed over, it’s gone 😉

There are things that didn’t work, energy spent the wrong way, risks that didn’t pay off, but as the wonderful Neil Gaiman said in a New Year’s message a couple of years ago, making mistakes is the only way to make sure you’re trying enough new or risky things, so….that’s ok…

Less ok is the doctor in Sneinton prescribing tablets I didn’t want, that I had a very bad allergic reaction to, to the point I thought I was going to die of a heart attack on moving day, because they sent my blood pressure all over the place, and then refusing to register the reaction, and then wanting to try a new medication with side affects of kidney and liver failure…omg,omg…I am now with a much better practice, who told me I didn’t need the meds in the first place…first do no harm, doctors!

Also in August, falling onto my hands and knees after banging my head off a wall…then rolling and hitting the back of my head on a brick…oh my! I’ve always been accident prone, but I surpassed myself that day…but the ambulance guys were great, and my friends really rallied round and although I still have pain and bruising from all the injuries, I didn’t break anything (or die, obviously, though as I fell I thought I would break my neck, horrible) so very lucky! Lying there thinking Nonie (the cause of it all!) was going to jump off the wall onto my hands was the worst bit overall, I could see her thinking, mmm, nice soft landing… 😉

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I am finally getting clear of my overdraft, moving twice in 12 months is expensive, and to do this while  spending more on help – having an organic vegetable box (Abel and Cole are lovely!) and bargain goods from Approved Foods delivered (their organic sell offs are great, I got loads of sprouting seeds, alfalfa and radish are my favourite, for 50p a packet! Seaweed crisps anyone? And the cous cous and tinned fruit and juices are great for tired days and not having to carry them or catfood is brilliant) and a home help on a weekly basis, while maintaining therapy…I may be useless at juggling beanbags or people, but money and budgets, both my grandmothers would be really proud…once they’d finished scolding me for needing an overdraft!

I have  bought an external hard drive and backed up everything, so now I just need to add new projects to it. I bought a new hoover too, so self care has actually shot up this year 😉

I’ve started the Berceli trauma release exercises, the fibromyalgia means I can only do 2 of the sets, but hopefully this will improve and be effective. I’m struggling against a great deal of inertia, discussing it with my therapist, we think it’s because over the last 22 years I have tried so many techniques to help PTSD, and lots have helped, but some have been awful, and either way, the raising of hopes is hard to live with…

So, like everyone else with fatigue issues, I am hoping for more energy in 2013, being clearsighted and astute in my spending of energy spoons, with a good balance overall. I really hope the benefit changes are amended, the new assessments are even more like the Spanish Inquisition and knowing that my adrenalin levels going up will make my health worse adds a Machiavellian twist to it all…

Which brings me back to this blog, and why I started it, and how it helps me…

According to my WordPress annual report, in 10 months, I’ve written 77 posts, with 427 photos…and this is the only form of journal I’ve ever kept that I enjoy re-reading the text of, I do look back at my collage/artjournals, but gave up keeping personal growth diaries a long time ago. It has become a place to think through things and respond to world events, but mostly it is as I thought, a place to cherish creativity and a positive attitude:

Chinese proverb: keep a green tree in your heart, and maybe the singing bird will come

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