ee cummings: i’d rather learn from one bird how to sing

                             than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance

I love to learn, it seems to help with keeping my balance to regularly put myself in the beginner’s mind position…I can feel my life beginning to shrink a bit because of extra pain (in my hands from the fall last summer, I feel like a dog is biting  above and below the knuckles joining the little fingers to my palms, blunt toothed, but persistent) and the cold. They’re connected, all the pain is worse in the cold and walking on ice makes me tense as all get out, making muscle spasms later on fairly inevitable, grrr. So I am really pleased the next class at Nottingham Contemporary Gallery is starting on Friday, I need the distraction, the stimulation and hopefully the knowledge that will be imparted! 😉

Learning to do fibromyalgia is the big crash course of my life…but talking with my therapist on Thursday I recognised how it is bringing some good changes too – I am getting much better at just saying, no, that doesn’t work for me, a phrase that used to make me hyper anxious 😦 I told my mother-in-law I couldn’t meet her tomorrow because the pain is too bad, and she is a guilt tripper of Olympic status, and normally I end up justifying myself, but this time I just felt fine and moved the conversation on without even getting into making a future arrangement… this is such progress! Because though I have done that by making an effort before, this just flowed, it’s becoming embedded behaviour! I’m not sure it counts as a praiseworthy event when it comes from the unconscious (subconscious?) like that, but I am choosing to celebrate, this is a major shift.

Another fibro win is watching the dust fall as Jennifer calls it, letting the hoovering wait for the  home help and making more mess with art until then! What, do the fun stuff rather than waste my spoons on cleaning? YES!!! Oh my, the shame goblins ARE looking worried…

I am actually learning to “maintain” rather than blitz tidy (my friends rock with laughter!) NO, REALLY! The wonderful Unf*ck Your Habitat blog gives me lots of  inspiration, the constant reminders to ” do a 20/10 or 10/20 effort/relax, it all counts but do NOT marathon” are perfect for fatigue issued peeps…she is so non-shaming, so firm on every effort counts that she deserves the sparkly praise she gifs with!!

http://unfuckyourhabitat.tumblr.com/

I’m trying to tidy my studio a little, the weather has not helped with keeping  a space on the big table, I have been working on the handmade books in the warm, using my bed as a workbench (la-la-la-la-la! 😉 ) and hastily grabbing a boxful of materials to clear a space for visitors and dumping said box on the now teetering piles on the studio table…which had the inevitable landslide yesterday…and then Nonie-puss had a mad half hour runaround which knocked a few more bits over, sigh…

Progress, not perfection, eh?

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It is interesting to see how changes come about, forced, chosen, effortful, easy, wu wei in action…each step leads you on the journey of your life, so learning to let your steps fit the  flow that works for you is what it’s all about in the end…who else’s life would you want to have?

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