It’s my birthday, and my 9th wedding anniversary, and five years and two months since my husband died…as the time goes on, I feel strangely happy that the bond is this strong…I miss him, and yet I feel the singing bird is still in the green tree of my heart, he helped open my heart and it didn’t close when he died, something strengthened me to still be in the world, made it be the life after him, not without him…

the poets always say it best:

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

e.e. cummings

‘stars in the ashes’ Singing Bird Artist 2010

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