bundles

I have been tidying up in the studio, putting away sea change and then picking through boxes of randomness that were sent through from the living room in order to make space. A couple of cat-astrophes 😉 made them even more random, boxes of yarn balls don’t improve from somersaults and cat cuddles… It turned into a very enjoyable process as I had my eyes open for snippets to use in the next set of components for cradle…and treasure was there for the taking, a big bag of ‘rags’, quilt trimmings, the seams and other small waste from reducing a garment to fabric again, threads and yarn snippets from making machine cords…

So this is what I have made today, a dozen bundle bases which will be embellished in what, to me, is a mixture of kintsugi (making broken ceramics whole again by using a gold powder in resin glue) and boro (randomly pieced repairs), so expect some fiddley-diddley work! I’m thinking beads, buttons, wisps of thread, lovely frayed edges of taffeta, tiny inflections of colour from machine cord remnants, things it will be a pleasure to hold in your hand…there may be feathers and twigs, I’d like to use dried leaves too, but then I’d like to keep the option open that I could show this outside, it was so satisfying seeing the freeform crochet in the tree at the Meadows.

It was gorgeously sunny and hot over the Bank Holiday weekend, but two days of cold rain and my hands and knees aaaaache…even with the anti-inflammatories and painkillers, I need a distraction! And playing with buttons and bits of ‘tickytacky’ is very good for that 😉

slideshow: sea change, meadows 2013

I have been resting lots, predictable really, but also because of discussing pain levels with the doctor…all the wet weather sets off the inflammation aches and pains… 😦

I have been gathering thoughts and components for the next piece though, so being on bed rest doesn’t have to stop me being creative (mwhahaha!) which hopefully will mean pictures of new things next post 😉

agoraphobia and exhibitions

– a short film made by the Nottingham Contemporary crew about the course and how it affected some members, at 3 minutes they did well to fit in the WEA assessor, Chris, Daphne and Stephen, though you can see more of us in the backgrounds, of course. It’s interesting how huge an experience it’s been for some of the group… I think I felt that way about the Art Access course I took 97-99 with Charlotte Finlay-Broadbelt and Chris Lewis-Jones (yes, the same!) and then the City & Guilds Machine Embroidery with Chris Standen, that my art making skills expanded exponentially. This should feel as transforming to me, it has been my ability to take my art into the world that has grown…and I realise I am not remembering to celebrate it enough!

I’m finally walking through the wall I identified in therapy in 2000…the agoraphobic barrier that stopped me or punished me for even trying to broach it is now a pile of rubble I am picking my way through. I watched my fibromyalgia spoons soooo carefully during the installation, trying to rest as much as I could (my new homehelp had a baptism by fire today 😉 ) but agoraphobia-wise I have been really struggling when I am out this week, with high anxiety and tearfulness and reluctance to go out… a bit of oversharing too 😦  Luckily my new doctor is an absolute sweetie and handled it! The rubble is pretty big, and I am getting very tired and wobbly, but…I’ve just walked through the Berlin Wall of internal barriers! Wow!

 

The work we did on presence and presentation:

nottingham contemporary: definition for recognition

was hard for me, but has really paid off. By comparing myself to Banksy I set myself free from the agoraphobic/ fibromyalgia issues of maintaining  presence in spite of rising adrenalin/anxiety because, bingo! I used a variation on his anonymity, I extended the singingbird avatar from yarntagging to my facebook profile and promotion. It made things a lot easier, and though I had to still be very pushy, sorry, I had to be an efficient promoter of my own work 😉 I didn’t have to see my name over and over again. I don’t know how well this would work for other agoraphobics, but I’m talking about this just in case it helps anyone else. Cold calling is my worst nightmare,  to the amazement of lots of people who have seen me being very confident! Aren’t we all interesting mixtures 😉

Lovely Suella prodded me to approach Nottingham Castle about linking up with the lace tagging… and in my new expanded space, I did. Being able to assemble images so quickly and email them for free (sending slides used to be so expensive and time/effort consuming, the internet really is great for this) and with the extra freedom/non-attachment to results that gave me I already had a big win, but to my delight she liked the images and is keeping me in mind to link up with fibre/thread artwork in the future! Which means I can send her updates as new pieces complete in their slow and meandering ways, without triggering the huge anxiety of cold calling. I was nearly crying as I told the doctor about it…

overcoming post show slump

So in the cab back from the art in the park picnic, I started talking about post exhibition slump and how to avoid it…it is an odd feeling, all this effort (and now I have fibromyalgia, I’ve skimped on so much to free up energy spoons for the xhib) around one outcome…that is now winding up.

The tree monkeys will deliver big bags of fibre art and signs etc to me, I will hand them vegan treats and later I’ll go through making sure stuff is dry and ok to store until its next outing. Keith will send me more photos and I will make the slideshow and ponder how to use it to catch the attention of art venues. And while I’m very glad the chores are over, there’s always been an after-the-party feeling, a Christmas tree going back in the loft feeling after a show…because I only exhibit once every couple of years for a solo show. I feel that may be changing, that now, ironically, when I have less energy for it, I may have acquired the promotion skills/mindset to springboard better and set installations on mini-tours 😉

It feels different this time, that I have kept the faith with what I want to make next AND where I want to show next, that while I feel tired, I still have momentum. My computer skills are enormous compared to after the 2011 showing of  ‘Pushing Buttons, Ringing Bells’ and that makes me more confident to approach the Council, having jumped through the hoops for the H & S this time, I can do it again…

There is a process of embodiment that goes into making art/craft, an idea becoming physically present in the studio, and then when it is seen and shown, in the world. And the urge to make it  and the question it answers are satisfied, so it starts to separate from me and the more it is shared, the less attachment I have to it, maintenance and organising more exhibitions are almost a distraction from the next ‘real’ thing, the next question that is being asked and answered in the process studio. It became its own thing, can’t it do its own organising?  😉  And the ‘chores’ are dull by comparison with making, though the birthday party bit is fun 😉 so part of the slump can be the list of shoulds and oughts, this piece deserves to be seen more widely, all that work…even the praise that pleased me so much can become a burden! Because the new shiny thing is in the studio!

But then going in the studio is often quite hard straight after an exhibition, because all that praise was for that answer to that question, this question is new and tricky and has to be thought about and felt about and not answered slickly or later it will show up as shallow…and the temptation to repeat what got praised or to repeat “so they get it THIS time” any pieces that felt missed or undervalued, all that has to put to one side…it can all feel a bit sticky…

So what works?

What works is work!

Turning up at the sewing machine…getting my hands all painty, running my fingers through yarn and fabric, working on what I never stopped working on, newly tinted by what experiences the show has given me 😉 watching the tree monkeys climb up among the branches, trying to take good photos under the thick canopy of blossom

and new leaves, the smell of fresh mown grass and rainy soil (so different from hose watered) the sound of the traffic and tramworks, the smell of tarmac, the overpoweringness/fibro-fog/agoraphobic  jostle that only an exhibition would make me face, the interesting chats blurring into babble on the super tired way home on a bus when all I wanted was to be back in bed….

all that will be in the next piece

All the help I got from my lovely friends, and then the new friends I made on Contemporary Conversations, and through see more and sea change being installed the same day (looking at you Anna R and Clare C!) and reconnecting with Jay H through facebook promo stuff, the chat with the family in the park about slow living, the way I felt telling visitors, “yes, I made this!”…. all strengthen my conviction that art is what I do best and that fibro isn’t going to stop me…

and will be part of the strength to negotiate more showings of sea change…

while I get out the components for Cradle for Stones that I have been looking at, thinking about and planning for but not allowed to touch for a month 😉

I didn’t set out to re-write my relationship with post show slump, but it seems to have happened, very wu wei 😉 daoist sages laugh near me 😉

see more @ contemporary

I’m feeling a bit wordless and foggy after lots of talking to strangers at the park/installation and over facebook, so this will be  a brief catch up post. See More went off very well, I arrived all in a fluster because the cab driver had jammed the brake on my rollator and I could see my day getting hideously complicated, but Sofia and Daphne were lovely and Helen from Contemp helped get my giant ikea bags of sea change carried down. Once I had handed my bag of gardening kit to Sofia (as props for her performance) and handed over things for the refreshment table and set up my book on the plinth and artist cards and flyers next to it, I could sit down, take a breath and see that the others had everything in hand and very interesting things were on show/happening…I forgot to keep up with photos of the performances, but Sofia would weave among us, metamorphising from a jaded office worker to a happy peasant, all of us in the Space were invited by performers in the Studio (visible through the window wall) to ask ourselves if we saw more; Mary showed sword form (Tai Chi Ch’uan) and Daphne wore a costume with props for activities and rotated from her stand of more props round people (eg opera glasses). Then there was Stephen’s installation:

– sorry for poor photos, it was too big for my camera- and this is Colin’s piece about Google eye and how we will be the Big Brother watching us, how people want to see and not be seen…lots more! My piece you know about (see slideshow for more pages)

– Charlotte’s quilt really held its own in the darkness, it’s a very unusual theme, bats for good luck, and with her clocks makes an interesting conversation about what time means to us, what worth we attach to what we do and the way values are influenced by culture and personal situation

Kateline’s hug station had a lot of takers! here she is laughing with Colin and then Daphne…

Eulane held people enthralled with her poetry and her performance of Oriah Mountain Dreamer’s ‘The Invitation’, a lovely note to end on as it sent people out with thoughts of what they could do on a course like this…at least 2 visitors had come because they’re interested in attending the next class, and seeing how different all our responses were, but how much we had all enjoyed it and benefitted was really encouraging for them. We were lucky that Kevan, Gail and Claire could come too, though Anna was abroad still and other Chris’ new job is too far away for nipping by on his lunch hour… Chris said what an interesting group we were to tutor and how friendly we all are and Vesse (from the class I went to before xmas)  agreed what a happy bunch we seemed, some groups just gel better and this was definitely one of them!

installation day!

Well, my tree monkeys have done me proud 😉

So lovely to have friends who can do things I can’t, and Keith has taken some great photos again, mainly long shots, so once we have some details on a sunny and less windy day, I can make a slideshow…one shot I look like I’m about to fly away, which being of a sturdier build is moooost unlikely 😉

And happenstance meant the lime and cherry blossom was out all around us, so beautiful!

And now I am so tired I keep falling asleep at the laptop and my hands can barely clench or grasp 😦 but I have such a happiness from seeing this work – all the changes I had to make due to health and safety regs have shaped the installation, not really how I envisaged site-specific affecting it, 😉 but I have managed to make the dreadlocks a stronger feature again, and though I couldn’t dangle things the way I’d like to, people can touch…we got lots of smiles from families playing and passers-by, so I really hope it will be enjoyed locally…

RAIN STOPS PLAY!!!

ANYONE PLANNING TO COME TO THE PICNIC ON SATURDAY 11th

WE ARE MOVING IT TO SAT 18TH 11.30-2ISH

BECAUSE  WET COOKIES DON’T SUIT MY FACE… 😉

SEA CHANGE

philosophy of change

singingbird sea change statement

I’ve googled but can’t find a way round this…what I’d like to do is copy and paste 3 sides of A4 to this blog page, but this is the best a bear of very little brain can do tonight 😉

If you’d like to read my carefully thought out expression of how and why I spent 3 years making  SEA CHANGE, (don’t hard sell it, brown bird 😉 ) then double click on the link and you will be offered options for how to read it…I wrote it in Libre Office, a free download office suite, because I find the Microsoft monopoly and media suppression/censorship by fake security alert deeply offensive, and therefore you may not be allowed to read it by Word…sorry/not my fault? shrugs? this probably won’t happen again, as one of the excitements of the last 24 hours was my new laptop adapter SPARKING on my bed…unlike the washing machine, which has waited three or four weeks SO FAR to get fixed/ replaced, I have ordered  a refurbished apple ibook at a bargainaceous price within 6 hours 😉 oh, and put the old adaptor back in, even though you have to twiddle the lead every now and again to keep the power…and as emachines have gone into administration so you can’t get genuine parts now, much lighter use of this laptop will preserve it while I learn mac. I also know to use the laptop off battery to lengthen the battery life now, thanks Penny! So I will never hammer an adapter so hard again…it gets twisted because I use it in bed but have to have it plugged in, sigh..

Interesting how priorities are set, isn’t it? The quality of my life depends on heavy use of the internet, even though I live a fairly simple life overall (European/0.9 – 1.1 planets on carbon footprint tests) and I manage lots of the time without the microsoft products, but every now and then I am completely hamstrung by a sequence of  assumptions on the part of big business… So I am prepared to go to Apple, also an irritating monopoly, and learn a new system, though it also harnesses microsoft now, so that I can just keep doing the 90% of my stuff which is nothing to do with the 10% they do control…because that’s the laptop I can afford that will let me prioritise art…sigh…

Daoist wisdom: forget perfection

Rudy Dutschke: work within the system to subvert it

And keep making art, because despite a now ex-friend telling me all the other things I SHOULD want to do to be what she considers a happy and positive person ( relieved that I’ve done so much therapy, projection slides off me!) if I had a few months to live would I spend them making art? Hell, yes!

Sorting out the washing machine requires thinking and choosing… [ Daoist Duke of Chou: for a simple life avoid choosing] so it’s still not done, replacement of my living-well and artmaking/sharing aid, easy peasy, took less than an hour 😉 and made a few friends laugh 😉 go on, you’re allowed too 😉

see more slideshow

Boom! I finished the handmade book SEE MORE and I even knocked up a couple of flyers for the SEE MORE @ Nottingham Contemporary Space, while doing necessaries for SEA CHANGE…might need to lie in a darkened room all weekend 😉

so, you can see it is much shorter than the books I have made before, and is very focused to the theme of seeing with the new eyes art can give us, by simply teaching us to pay attention…the Thich Nhat Than quote is spiritual rather than creative, intended to teach the interconnectedness of all things, but is in the same vein:

PoetrySue says she likes it more for having such a strong centeredness, so that is food for thought…my favourites are the little reward bundles, the paying attention to small scraps, the discarded, that can become beauty:

– even the cufflink style button is upcycled, and the centre of the bundle is the chopped off ends of the peacock feathers from another page…but they make a delightfulness! I am so looking forward to getting to work on ‘cradle for stones’ where there will be lots of this 😉

Having been released from the tasklet of making a flyer for SEE MORE, I just thought I’d have a play with Stephen’s idea and when I’d sorted out my master copies of SEA CHANGE, I set the printer to making a gift for the class, invite cards they can give to friends for next week 😉

and in black on white card, coloured card too, but the white looked very chic and like the concrete walls of Contemporary!

Hope they like them 😉